


take care

by hermanncodednewtboy



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Nightmares, One Shot, Pre-Canon, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Worried Hermann Gottlieb, no beta we die like hannibal chau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29091045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermanncodednewtboy/pseuds/hermanncodednewtboy
Summary: Newt is neglecting himself after a nightmare, and Hermann tries to help by bringing him a meal and listening.
Relationships: Newton Geiszler & Hermann Gottlieb, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	take care

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I'm still obsessed with these two gay scientists from a film from 2013.

When Hermann left the lab the night before, Newt was staying late. When he arrived in the morning, just after a breakfast where Newt was nowhere to be found, he was still in the lab, wearing the same clothes with more wrinkles. They worked separately in an easy silence for the whole morning, interrupted occasionally by Newt whispering data into his audio recorder. Hermann said as he was leaving for lunch, "Newton, you really should eat something."

"I'll go once this is finished," he said, not turning to face him, gesturing at the complex network of beakers, and flasks, and cooling tubes, and stopclocks in front of him.

"Don't take too long," Hermann glowered. Newt gave him a distracted thumbs-up.

Hermann ate slowly, keeping an eye out for Newt. An hour passed and Newt remained conspicuously absent. Hermann gritted his teeth and submitted to the mortifying ordeal of doing a small kindness.

"Newton? Newton, since you are apparently unable to complete anything in a timely manner, I have brought you lunch."

The complex network of flasks and beakers and tubes was abandoned, the bottom most beaker removed and Newt was now meticulously measuring amounts of a thick violet liquid from the beaker into test tubes. Hermann tried not to notice how cute Newt looked absentmindedly chewing on his bottom lip, tried not to imagine kissing his red mouth.

"Huh? Oh, thanks Hermann. I'll get to it in a second, gotta get these into the fridge." Newt's hands were shaking as he carried the test tube rack to the corner, and then moved to start taking the distillation setup apart, "I should also get these cleaned."

"Yes, please, I'm not wearing safety goggles," kaiju fluids were prone to causing small explosions when put in close proximity to certain other chemicals. Hermann did not know what else might've been added to those beakers.

"You're all the way over there, if they blow up you'll probably be fine."

"Ah yes, that fills me with confidence. I'm 'probably' not going to have shards of pyroglass coated in volatile chemicals fired at me."

Newt chuckled, facing away while he rinsed the flasks out, and Hermann's chest felt like it was filled with helium, "Hey, I didn't say anything about them not getting  _ fired _ at you. Just that they probably wouldn't  _ hit _ you."

"Even better," Hermann deadpanned. He helped himself to Newt's desk chair, and put the bowl (full of rapidly cooling macaroni cheese) onto Newts desk. He noted that it was well over the line onto Hermann's side of the lab, and said nothing.

"You got anything better to do than watch me wash the dishes?" Newt asked, looking over his shoulder. He was still wearing his huge safety goggles on top of his glasses. Every pair of the expensive correction lensed safety goggles he had been given when he first arrived at the Shatterdome were long destroyed (only one of them by hot kaiju fluids, surprisingly, most of them by Newt dropping and then standing on them). The look on his face made the whole situation feel unbearably domestic.

"I am making sure that you take a break and eat," Hermann said with a little too much sincerity, and quickly followed with, "you're no use if you're too hungry to think, Newton."

"I'm fine, Hermann. I appreciate the concern though," he flashed him a wide, slightly wild grin. Hermann swallowed hard before speaking.

"I'm concerned about the end of the world. You are evidently doing important work, even though your methods are highly questionable and sharing a space with you is an experience I would wish on none but my worst enemy, I am just trying to make sure that you don't drop dead and leave all the rest of us to pick up your pieces."

"Thanks, dude," his grin softened to a knowing smile that made Hermann want to kiss it off his face. Or maybe throw something at him.   


_ Infuriating little man. _

Once Newt had cleaned all his equipment, he washed his hands up to his elbows and sighed. Hermann moved back to his chalkboard. When Newt sat down at his desk he looked utterly exhausted: grey and drawn and when he thanked Hermann again his smile didn't reach his eyes. He wolfed the meal down, but his eyes were somewhere entirely else.

From over by his chalkboard, Hermann asked, "When did you last sleep, Newton?"

"Last night."

"For how long?"

"A couple hours."

"That is not enough."

"No shit, Sherlock."

Hermann ignored the comment, concerned, "Why?"

Newt laughed, hollow, "You know how it is, dude."

"I  _ don't _ know when you won't answer my question." Hermann expected him to deflect, to say  _ 'its none of your business',  _ or _ 'it doesn't matter' _ , or  _ 'you can go back to your numbers now, I did what you wanted.' _

Instead, Newt sighed again, and sat back, with a look on his face like he really didn't want to have this conversation, or maybe like he really, really did; and when he spoke it was as quiet as he ever got, "Just a nightmare. Nothing really bad, just... i dunno, it was just a nightmare. I got up and came to the lab after. I didn't really... I didn't really wanna dwell on it."

Hermann took a breath and chewed over his words, "I am... I am sorry about that, Newton. Would you, uh, would you like to talk about it?"

Newt put on a smile that aimed for reassuring and missed, "Nah, it's not really important. it wasn't even that bad, I'm making it sound like I was really scared but I was mostly just bored. You know when you can't sleep and you just think 'Well, this is really boring, just lying here doing nothing, I'm gonna get up and do something'? It was just that, I wasn't even really scared after."

Hermann gave him an unamused look, "Newton, please do not lie to me."

That made Newt laugh, loud and harsh, but after a moment he said, "It's not  _ you _ I'm lying to, Hermann. Fucking hell, of course I'm not fucking lying to  _ you _ , I'm scared as shit and I have no idea what to do except pretend I'm not. Like you said, we've got important shit to do, so just keep going and going and going and don't think about what'll happen if I'm wrong. Because that's the end of the world, if we're wrong and people trust us anyway. And people do trust us! How the fuck am I supposed to keep going other than just pretending it's alright? That I'm not terrified? Just wish my fucking dreams would get the fucking memo."

Hermann had nothing to say to that. It was the open secret that everyone at the shatterdome knew, that they held the fate of the world in their hands. Everyone was crushed by it sometimes.

Newt kept talking, his voice strained and breaking and his tone still aiming for casual but overshooting it by so far it became something else entirely.

"It was just the usual shit, kaiju attack the 'dome and they, you know. They kill everyone else and then it's just me, and I mean normally they just kill me too, just last, and I have to watch everyone else die first, but this time it was, I dunno, it was different. Like halfway through they, I don't know really exactly what happened, or, or how the fuck it happened, just, uh, just... I turned into one of them," his eyes were welling up with tears, and he sounded angry, guilty, "I was still me but I was also one of them and I could still think, but I wasn't, I wasn't really, like, I wasn't really in control of what I was doing, you know? And I was the one that, that -fuck- the one that finished everyone else off. And then it was just me, all the other kaiju were gone, it was just me, and everything, it was all just rubble, and it was all my fault."

Newt looked at Hermann with wide eyes, a few tears dripping onto his filthy shirt. He took a deep, rattling breath, and smiled, then shrugged, then just stared at the ground, tapping his leg and chewing on his tongue. Hermann's chest ached, and ached, and ached.

"Sorry, you're not my therapist, that's a lot to put on you. I'll be fine, honestly, probably just need another coffee, or... I dunno, I'll be fine. They come and go, they're usually not as freaky as that one, I'll be fine."

Hermann tried again to think of something to say, any words of comfort, but there was nothing. His stomach felt full of something heavy and squirming. He took a few steps forward. He wanted to stride across the room and pull Newt into a hug, hold him safe and secure for at least a moment; he wanted to kiss his frown away, hold his hand and make the rest of the world fade away; he wanted to take Newts face in his hands and say "it will be okay, we will make it okay, I know it," and mean it, but he couldn't do any of those things.

Newt piped up again, "I mean, on the upside, I'm making progress in figuring these bastards out. I think I'll be able to figure out how they're reproducing, soon. I hope that can help, somehow. I don't know."

Hermann knew how to respond to that. "You're making good progress. Trying to hold onto hope right now is a good idea, Newton," he tried to offer a sympathetic smile, but it probably just looked like a grimace.   


Newt said suddenly, "Everyone gets them, don't they?"

"Nightmares? I expect so." He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room and wondered if he should step back, or forwards.

"You do?" it didn't need to be a question.

"Yes."

"What are yours like? If you don't mind answering. it's fine if you don't want to, I'm just-"

"-It's alright, Newton. They, uh, well... Give me a moment," and he made up his mind and carried the chair from his desk over to beside Newt. Hermann took an unsteady breath and said slowly, "Well. They vary. The most common is that I make a-a mistake. Something obvious, or something basic, just something I should have picked up on, that means that, well, the mission fails. I fail, and it is too late to fix the mistake and try again. Sometimes they end with an attack on the Shatterdome, but most of the time... Most of the time I wake up right after everyone realises that I have doomed us all. The way they look at me..." he shook his head and wrung his hands.   


Newt licked his lips, the bastard, and very deliberately lifted his hand and placed it palm-up on the arm of his chair, "I'm so sorry, dude."

"It's not your fault, Newton," Hermann choked out, balling both of his hands up in his lap.   


"I know, but still. I'm sorry," Newt took the hint and turned his hand back over, "Nightmares are fucking bullshit, dude."

Hermann snorted ( _ stating the obvious, much? _ ), but then he started laughing, and soon Newt started laughing too, until they were both folded over in hysterics, even though it wasn't funny, unable to even look at each other without bursting into new peals of laughter. The tension had dissolved and when they calmed down, Hermann looked at Newt, his mouth red, his face pink, his eyes shining, and Hermann found his heart was in his mouth. He felt like a crab who had just outgrown his last shell, all his most soft and vulnerable parts were on display, and only time will tell whether he survived long enough to harden up again.

"Please try to take better care of yourself," Hermann found himself saying in Yiddish; something as recklessly personal as this should be in a language that feels like home.

"Because if I don't I can't do my work?" Newt responded, giving him a strange look. Almost sad. Almost wanting.

"You do not need me to tell you that you are much more than your work, Newton. You know that," Hermann said, meaning much more.

"What if I did? Need you to tell me that I'm more than that," his eyes were very green, and very earnest, and his cheeks were still wet with tears.

"Then I would."

"Please."

Hermann could scarcely breathe, "You are so, so much more than your work, Newton. You are a... a good man, you have an exceptionally bright mind, you can be more reckless than anyone I have ever known, and I would not wish being forced to share a labspace with you upon anyone, but you are a... a good friend. You are my closest friend. I... I care deeply about you, and while I do... While I do hope that we will close the breach, and soon, if we are unable to, before, well, you know. If we are unable to before then, I will have been honoured to call you my... my friend. So, Newton, please take care of yourself. You are very important. To me," he spoke no louder than a whisper; hoping, hoping, hoping, for what he couldn't say. For Newton to catch his meaning? For him to miss it entirely?   


"You are really, really important to me, too, Hermann. I... Thank you," he seemed to be at a loss for words. His hand gripped the arm of his chair tightly, and then relaxed, and then tightened again. Hermann wished he had reached out to hold it. Newt searched Hermann's face, looking for something, then licked his lips again and dropped his eyes to Hermann's chest. Hermann felt as if he was looking right at his very heart.

Newt switched back to English, breaking the silence and making eye contact again. "You take care of yourself too, alright Hermann? This is a two-way street, you don't get to tell me off if you aren't doing it too."

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Newton."

"Then it shouldn't be hard to say to me."

He was right. It wasn't the statement that was hard to make, it was the implication behind being asked for it that made Hermann feel like he was falling, "Alright. I, uh, I will take care of myself."

Newt's smile was blinding then, the force of it knocked all of the air out of him and left him unsure whether he should flee or let himself be pulled in. Quickly, he made up his mind and stood up.

"I guess you've got work to be doing?" Newt leaned back in his chair, teetering on just the back legs.

"Indeed I do." Hermann said, "Please do not do that, Newton."

"Do what?" Newt smirked, one hand gripping the tabletop.

"I am not going to fetch the medkit this time if you fall and hurt yourself," Hermann lied.

"You're a real jerk, you know that?"

"Justifiably so, you are insufferable."

"Thanks, I try my best."

"Infuriating little man."

"Hey, dude, I'm not that small." Newt said lightly, "You think you're so polite but you're so fucking rude sometimes, Hermann."

"I could say the same about you, Newton. You are not even on your side of the lab," Hermann tapped the yellow tape with his cane as he passed.   


"You didn't say anything about it when you were sitting in this chair," Newt called out, smug as anything. Hermann felt himself flush.

"As amusing as your shouting is, I really do have work to be doing." Hermann turned around.

"And so do I! You're the one who was stopping me from doing it!" Newt stood up and went back to his bench, starting to dry and put away the beakers.   


Hermann stared at his chalkboard and could not remember for the life of him what he had been doing last. After barely a minute, Newt was humming some tune Hermann didn't know, swearing when he dropped a beaker and calling out loudly that he was fine. Insufferable. But he could still picture Newt's eyes glistening with tears, with laughter; he could picture his bitten-red lips and didn't dare think what he might taste like. He could drown in this feeling, he was set aflame by it, and he would not give it up for the world. Hermann spent the next 10 minutes writing down multiples of 17, trying to catch his breath.

**Author's Note:**

> *points* they were in love here. 
> 
> this might end up being a prequel to a longer series I'm doing set all the way after Uprising, but for now it's just a one shot. please leave a comment if you enjoyed!


End file.
